June 21

19 years ago today

my Rob asked me to marry him

I kissed him for a really long time before I said anything

He finally stopped kissing me back and asked, "Is that a yes?"

Dates Etched in My Mind

No matter what I'm doing - 

fun or not fun -

and even when I'm trying so hard to not think about it -

EVERY 18th,

EVERY 19th,

and

EVERY 20th 

of each month is so hard 

especially the 19th

for that was the day of our struggle

the day my Rob's life hung between life and death

the day I watched his body as his organs slowly shut down 

the day I watched his children arrive to start telling him goodbye

It's been 9 months.

I wonder if the pure agony I feel on every 19th will ever be different

Another First

The firsts are hard.

The first Father's Day 

without the father.

When we went to buy Father's Day cards for the grandfathers this past week

(sorry, grandfathers - they're not in the mail yet),

Luke wanted to make sure his dad had a Father's Day card.

Then Luke said his dad needed some glasses so he could read it.

Then he decided that his dad would have enjoyed playing with this little toy with him.

So we bought them.

And today we took them to the grave after church.

After Luke presented them to his dad at the grave,

we placed them in a ziploc bag and attached them to the grave marker.

I told Luke we'll leave them there for a bit.

I took my dad to church with us today.

And, believe it or not, I forgot to get a picture :) 

It was a great Father's Day for him.  He was so happy to be at church.

And the Father's Day gift that Luke made in Sunday School was presented to my dad.

It was good that my children had my dad today.  It helped to have him to be the focus of the day.

Ministry Life Cycle

For me, it now feels as if Rob's ministry life cycle is complete

and the ministry we had together is officially over forever.

We are no longer residents of a parsonage

and the last official service involving anything to do with my husband was today.

Today, at this year's Annual Conference, was the Memorial Service for all clergy who have died since last Annual Conference.

My father went with us.  My sister, brother-in-law, and my aunt met us there.

It took us a while to get anywhere because my father is popular and he kept being greeted by his friends.  My father was SO HAPPY to get to be at Conference and see his friends.  

As I walked in the convention center, the first thing I noticed was the Cokesbury book store arrow on the carpet.  It made me smile as I thought about how Rob would always come home from conference having spent WAY MORE than we could afford on books but always making sure that I knew my dad had paid for part of them.

During the service, my dad took notes.

My son, Luke, did this during the service.  

I wrote him a note saying "I love you."  He added a 2 that changed it to this.  It made me smile.

I was fine until the processional started.  I turned around to see the cross and staff being carried in (the staff was carried by my second cousin, David - who is also a UM minister).  

As I turned to see them walk in - it was if all of the processionals Rob had been a part of flashed unbidden before my eyes -

his license to preach processional in the Western Conference

his local pastor processional in our Conference

his commissioning processional

and his processional when he was ordained Elder

I was there for all of them - even the time when I was still in the severe nausea stage of my pregnancy with Luke

I was there - watching and supporting my husband as he publicly went through all of the steps of ordained ministry in the United Methodist Church

And today, I was there in an unimaginable and extremely painful role - standing beside his children 

as his widow

still supporting the last official act involving his ministry.

As his name was called, a candle was lit in his memory.

I am still getting notes and letters about how my late husband's ministry touched people's lives and I expect that God will continue to use the good that my husband did.  But for me, the moment that candle was lit completed my late husband's ministry cycle.  And it was so sad.

After the service and the luncheon, the boys enjoyed the escalators.

And we were all tired and ready to be home.

Robert Edward Shelton

Jan. 18, 1959 - Sept. 20, 2011

Ministry Life

June 1995 - Sept. 20, 2011

Out and In

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

We are OUT of the parsonage (pulled out of the driveway at 2:34 a.m. last night/this morning)

And we are IN our house (pulled in the driveway at 3:08 a.m. last night/this morning)

God was with us in the transition

And I am SO THANKFUL for God's providence that Rob and I had this house for 6 years before his death

But it was so very hard to leave the parsonage

Even when we were FINALLY ready to leave 

The kids did not want to leave

So we walked around the house 

Talking about the empty rooms - when they were not empty - 

About when one family member was not missing

And me reminding them that the empty rooms aren't what holds our memories

After an hour of walking around empty rooms, taking pictures of each other in those rooms, Luke taking videos with the iPad, and some crying, we finally left

The kids asked to stay and watch as the garage door closed one last time - so we did

It's always hard to move.

But it's so much harder to disassemble a family life together knowing that, this time, when we get to the new place we will be starting a different family life without one of its members.  

Absent From The Body - Present With The Lord

As my friends, family, and I were loading my things to take to my other house today, 

my friend, Richard, passed away. 

He is now "absent from his body and present with the Lord."

We got home from taking my things to my other house in time to go see Marisol, Jael, Victoria, and Joseph for a short visit with some hugs and some tears.

Please pray for them.  Their lives will never be the same.

It is and will be agonizing.

But I hope through my children and through me

 that they have seen over the last 8 1/2 months 

and that they could see tonight that 

we are living proof

that God WILL

be there for them and He will take care of them.

And He will provide that peace that passes all understanding.

My Friends

I am in the middle of moving.  It is a terrible transition to have to make - knowing that I'm leaving the last house I shared with my Rob.  I had not planned on taking the time to blog again until after the move.  However, just now I needed a phone number that I needed to look up online.  While the computer was on, I checked my email to see if there was any news about my friend, Richard (see previous posts about his cancer and his family).  There was and I'd like to ask you all to pray for my friends today and in the next days.  

It seems he is close to the end of his earthly life.  This is the email I received:

Richard was stable in his breathing all night.  There is no evidence of any pain.

For the past 24 hours he has been non-communicative, and seems to be largely unaware of those who are with him.
He has not been moving, nor eating.  The nurses that attend to him think his organs may be shutting down.
As per his request of a couple weeks ago, brethren have been with him, reading Scripture and singing hymns,
believing that these activities may well minister to him.
Pray that the Lord may comfort our brother in his final hours, and his wife, his children,
and his mother, Ruth, who has been with him for the past 3 weeks.
Marisol's sister, Rosa, came from the DR on Thursday to be with her.
We anticipate Richard's entering Glory rather soon, to be with Christ, which is far better 

(Phil. 1:23).

I am almost sobbing as I write this - for his family because I know what the next little while holds for them

                                   - for my family and me because it just reminds us so much.  

Moving has been excruciating in so many ways  - to say the least 

but as hard as it will be today as my friends, family and I finish loading and unloading what we're moving now, 

that will pale in comparison 

to what I know oh so well (and still remember in bitter detail) that

 my friend Marisol and her children will be going through as they watch their husband and father 

as he 

becomes "absent from his body and present with the Lord."

It is so hard.

Please pray for Marisol, Jael, Victoria, and Joseph.